


You've Made it a Cloudless Sky

by pennysparkle



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Topping from the Bottom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-04-02 22:46:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4076656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pennysparkle/pseuds/pennysparkle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Souji always thinks he’s so good at hiding things–as if they don’t notice the way his shoulders are sagging as the months go by, the dark circles forming under his eyes, the smiles that get more tired with each day. It’s either that or he thinks they don’t care, that it’s not worth bringing up to them or saying ‘hey, I need a break,’ and Kanji thinks he gets that. It’s Nanako they’re trying to save, after all, and that makes Souji work harder than ever, but he’s got to know that they see him falling apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You've Made it a Cloudless Sky

Souji always thinks he's so good at hiding things-as if they don't notice the way his shoulders are sagging as the months go by, the dark circles forming under his eyes, the smiles that get more tired with each day. It's either that or he thinks they don't  _care_ , that it's not worth bringing up to them or saying ' _hey, I need a break,_ ' and Kanji thinks he gets that. It's Nanako they're trying to save, after all, and that makes Souji work harder than ever, but he's got to know that they see him falling apart.

Or at least Kanji does. The more he thinks about it, the more it makes sense: Souji's uncle is in the hospital, and as for Nanako... they're working so hard to save her, but that's not the whole reason Souji keeps them in the TV for longer hours, almost every single day, or the reason he seems so desperate to spend time with them when they're all too tired to go into the TV.

He's alone. Or rather, he  _feels_ alone, and Kanji abruptly wishes he'd been a little quicker at coming to that conclusion. To think, he's been going back to an empty house for a little over a week now, probably feeling defeated and like he isn't doing enough, and none of them have said or done anything to fix that. Souji would have noticed, if it were one of them. He would have helped.

Today, Kanji had told his mom he would work in the shop, but he doesn't think he can do that anymore, not now that he's reached a consensus. She'll understand, he  _knows_ she will. She didn't raise him to leave a friend hanging, and he's not going to start now.

It does make him a little nervous, though. He doesn't want Souji to think that he's pitying him, but at the same time, he wants him to know that he  _cares_ , because he does, so much–he's never had a friend like Souji: understanding, compassionate, caring, selflessly kind to the point that it's a little bit overwhelming, but he's so glad for him most days that it's hard not to pull him aside and babble something embarrassing to him. He wants to return the favor adequately.

All he really comes up with is one of those fancy cakes from Junes that had made the cashier look at him funny–maybe the image of some big punk-looking guy holding a cute, tiny cake decorated with strawberries and floral piping was particularly amusing. He's not even sure if this is the kind of cake Souji likes, and then he wonders if it'll seem out of place; it's not like they have anything to celebrate right now, but he's already dropped a thousand yen on it, so he considers it to be too late.

Halfway to Souji's house is when his phone rings, and he has to carefully balance the boxed cake in one arm as he checks the caller ID. It's his mom, of course, and she's as understanding as expected when he explains to her his plan. She even suggests that he bring dinner next time, and he feels a little silly for having not thought of that over  _cake_ , of all things. That's something  _anybody_ could appreciate. Then she tells him he's a good boy, and he blushes and stutters a little, hanging up before he can get too flustered.

The heat in his cheeks is still present as he rings the doorbell to the Dojima residence. There's silence inside for several long moments. No TV, no radio, not even the sound of footsteps. Then the door slides open suddenly, and Souji's standing there. He hasn't even taken his shoes off, much less changed out of his school uniform. It kind of seems like he's just been hovering around in the entranceway, but Kanji can't understand why he'd do something like that.

"Kanji?" Souji asks expectantly, and he realizes he's been awkwardly standing there, gawking and saying nothing.

"S... senpai! You okay?"

"I'm fine. What's up? You look like you ran a marathon."

"Huh? ... No." The heat of his cheeks is suddenly more present, and he realizes Souji must think it's from exertion and not from his mother saying nice things to him. "I, uh... I wanted to spend some time with you today."

Souji looks shocked, but then maybe something akin to pleased as he steps back to let Kanji inside, where it's dark and a little bit cold, as if no one's bothered to adjust the thermostat for the sudden chilly weather. Souji's been here all alone; he probably thinks it isn't worth it if it's only for him, and that seems sad.

They toe their shoes off together, then Kanji lets Souji usher him into the living room. Even in here, things are impeccable, untouched. Has he gone straight up to his room every single day? Has he even come home but to sleep? The thought makes Kanji uneasy, and he's already wondering if he should do this more often.

"Hey, uh... senpai, I brought cake," he says eventually. Souji is in the kitchen, bent over looking for drinks in the fridge. He must really be struggling, considering how long he's been in there.

"Oh? That's nice of you, Kanji. Thanks." Slowly, his spine straightens, and he turns to bring back two cans of soda. "I'd make dinner but there's not a lot of groceries in the house. Sorry."

"It's fine! I don't mind." Kanji raises his hands, waving them nervously in supplication. It's about spending time with Souji, anyway, even though he definitely wouldn't say no to his cooking, but he realizes he really  _should_ have brought dinner instead.

"I'll get some silverware," Souji says, starting to stand up again, only Kanji manages to stumble his way to his feet more quickly.

"Don't worry about it! Take a break! I'll do it."

Except that, confronted with the kitchen, he doesn't even know  _where_ to begin looking. The first drawer is full of notepads and phone chargers, odds and ends that have no real place. The second has an assortment of whisks and large wooden spoons, but no silverware. The third isn't a drawer at all, but a fake decoration, and even when he finds the right one, there's no clean forks.

Awkwardly, he fishes some out from the drying rack and returns to the table, settling down across from Souji. With the forks resting on the table between them, he realizes he should have gotten plates, too, and starts to stand once more, but Souji stops him.

"It's fine. We can eat it like this... if you don't mind?"

"I... guess so." It's not  _his_ cake, in the end.

He watches Souji open up the box, tearing the cardboard away so that it's more easy to get to it, and waits for him to take the first bite. It's not even tidy like Souji would usually manage–he just scoops off a chunk and lifts it to his mouth.

At least he's not so out of it that he forgets his manners, swallowing before he speaks. "It's really good. Thank you."

"Yeah, no problem. Anything for you, senpai!"

Souji laughs softly, as if Kanji's actually done anything amusing, and together, they slowly work on demolishing the cake with mostly silence between them–but it isn't uncomfortable, really. The furrow of stress that's been sitting between Souji's eyebrows seems to have eased up a bit, and he's smiling every so often, laughing at Kanji's occasional nervous outbursts. It's nice. Kanji worries less to see him like this, and ends up staying a few hours, at least until it's a reasonable time for Souji to go to sleep.

"Uh... I should get out of your hair now, huh?" he asks.  _Strange_. He feels reluctant about it.

Souji looks at the clock, and his eyes get a little wider, as if he's shocked that it's half past nine. And then the past few hours seem to have been for nothing, because the happiness on his face fades and he just looks  _tired_ again.

"Oh... I guess your mom will be worried about you, and I have homework to do... I'll walk you out, okay?"

Kanji splutters, wishing he hadn't said anything, but he's helpless to protest when Souji's guiding him out and putting that fake smile on again, thanking him for coming over and telling him to text him when he gets home.

It's not enough.

* * *

Kanji spends most of his time in class the next day considering how he should approach Souji about this in a more official manner, but by the time the last bell rings, he really doesn't have much of anything at  _all_ , and then he gets a text asking to meet up and look for Nanako. Of course that has him soundly distracted, between mowing down shadows and doing their best to reach the end–something that leaves them all exhausted. By the time they spill out of the TV, they're yawning and bruised, but that doesn't stop Souji from asking if anyone wants to go for a post-battle dinner at Aiya.

There's various excuses–having to work, or having homework to do, and everyone filters off except for Kanji. No, he  _knows_  he's got things he should be doing, but his mother had given him a pass for Souji, and he fully intends to take it. Just until the downtrodden look on his face fades away for good, he promises himself, because it's sitting there right now as Souji watches the rest of the team walk away, and then he turns to Kanji and smiles that fake smile, ready to say goodbye too.

"I'll come with you, senpai," he blurts out, before Souji can manage.

"Oh–you don't have to, if you're too busy."

"No way! I'm starving. Might even be able to try and take on the mega beef bowl!"

The smile on Souji's face becomes more genuine even though it's hesitant, but he doesn't protest again. They walk there together, the same silence from last night drifting between them, their arms occasionally bumping companionably. The sun is setting and the air is chilly, but it's... nice. Kanji likes being able to spend time alone with Souji; sometimes it feels like the others still look at him weirdly, except for Souji and Naoto, and this way, he doesn't feel so self-conscious.

In the warmth of Aiya, they find two empty seats at the far end of the counter, clambering up and putting in their orders. For the most part, Souji looks happy, or at least distracted as he eats his beef bowl, alternating between listening to Kanji babble and laughing as he tries to speak and eat at the same time. Afraid of deviating from his lie, Kanji had ordered the mega beef bowl, but it's not long before he's groaning and clutching his stomach. It's worth it, because that just makes Souji laugh more, albeit sympathetically, offering consoling words and rather strange wisdom about what it might take to be able to eat all that food.

Kanji walks him home after that, though he pauses at the doorway when Souji steps inside. He feels like he should do something more than just wave and say goodbye, but he can't come up with anything. In the end, he sighs and smiles at Souji, who smiles back, at the very least.

"See you again tomorrow, senpai."

"Goodnight, Kanji."

* * *

They take a break from the TV the next day, and while Kanji has finally figured out a course of action to spend time with Souji, it kind of goes out the window when he sees him hanging out with Rise instead. In a way, he feels disappointed; he'd cleared his schedule and everything for this, but that's not really  _why_  it's disappointing. It's more like... well, he'd been looking forward to it.

He goes home instead, helps his mom with the store for a few hours until she pauses and suggests that he take some of the dinner she'd cooked over to Souji's and eat with him.

"I don't know if he's home, ma... he was spending time with another friend today."

"Hm..." She glances at the clock, and it's already a few minutes after seven. He'd been working so hard he didn't even notice.

"I'm sure he'll be there by now. If not, wait for him. He'll be happy that you want to be there for him."

Kanji grumbles, not because he doesn't want to do it, but because it's kind of embarrassing when she says things like that. Still, with a little more nudging, he accepts the two neatly-wrapped bento boxes she hands to him and sets out.

The lights aren't on inside of the Dojima residence when he gets there, but he rings the bell anyway. There's no answer. He'd expected that, and still it disappoints him. He shifts from foot to foot, waiting for a minute or two, and then he turns to sit on the top step to wait.

It must be a good forty-five minutes that pass before Souji walks up, shoulders hunched down and his hands tucked into the pockets of his coat. He's walking slowly–meandering, like he doesn't really want to get where he's going.

"Senpai."

Souji jumps. He's completely off-guard, and his eyes are wide as they fall on Kanji, but then they ease after a second or two.

"You  _scared_ me, Kanji," he laughs awkwardly, one hand spread over his chest. His breathing is quick and his cheeks are flushed, and he's really... something. He's  _really_ something.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to."

"It's alright. What are you doing here?"

Kanji lifts the bento boxes, showing them off as he scratches the back of his neck with his free hand. "Mom made too much for dinner so I figured I'd bring some over. Since you said you didn't have groceries or anything." Damn, this is  _awkward_.

"Oh, that's... that's really nice of you, Kanji. Thanks. Here, come inside." He steps carefully around Kanji, brushing up against his chest on the way, and Kanji catches a brief smell of his hair. It's nice. Souji always smells so nice.

He unlocks the door quickly, pushing it open and ushering Kanji in, and once again they stand side-by-side as they toe their shoes off. It's dark and cold, no more homey than it had been just a few days prior, only this time Souji stops by the thermostat and bumps up the heat a few notches.

"Sorry... I realized you were kind of shivering the other night, and I didn't want you to get cold."

Damn. He's so  _thoughtful_. Even when he's having such a tough time, he still cares so much.

"I'm fine, senpai! Don't worry about me!"

Souji just smiles at him, amused, and takes the bento boxes from him to heat them up.

"I hope I didn't make you wait for me too long," he says as Kanji helps out, rooting around in the fridge for something to drink. There's really nothing, and he ends up having to locate a couple glasses to fill with ice and water instead.

"Nah. It was fine."

"You could have called me, you know. I would have hurried home."

Kanji fidgets, almost drops a glass in his nervousness. "I didn't want to interrupt you when you were spending time with Rise."

"Oh–no, I was just... taking a walk."

In this kind of weather? He must really hate being home alone.

"Oh." Kanji wishes he could say more than this. He wishes he was better with words, but he can't come up with anything that doesn't sound pathetic and useless.

"This smells really good. I should bring something to your mother to thank her," Souji says as he circles around Kanji, heading toward the living room. This time he turns on the TV for low noise, and it feels a little more welcoming in here. Maybe things are looking up.

"You don't have to–she... I mean, she'd be happy, but you don't have to."

"I'll figure something out. Don't worry." Souji smiles at him again, and he's doing that a lot more lately. Maybe Kanji really  _is_ helping.

They eat, and this time, Kanji manages to coax Souji into talking a little bit. He keeps giving Kanji these weird looks, though; nothing bad, just  _strange_. Kanji's not sure what to think, and he eats more slowly because of it, keeps forgetting he's got rice on his chopsticks and ends up dropping it, or sits there with his mouth hanging open in a rather unappealing manner.

Again, he stays over until it's late, and luckily, Souji doesn't look so upset as he shows Kanji out. He even leans in and hugs him, and Kanji gets so flustered he doesn't get a chance to wrap his arms around Souji before he pulls back.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Kanji. Right?" Souji asks. It really  _is_ a question too–like he depends on the answer.

Kanji just nods hard. "Y-yeah! Of course, senpai!"

"Okay. Goodnight." Souji steps back into the house with a small smile, but his shoulders are already tensing up again.

* * *

They keep it up for a week or so after that. It becomes their unspoken ritual. Souji starts helping Kanji with his homework, too, because it turns out they've both been sort of forgetting to do that since this all started up, and one night they even go to the grocery store together to restock the fridge. Once that's been done, Souji makes dinner for them every night, and Kanji thinks this is the kind of life he could get used to. Souji's cooking is  _really_ good.

He starts staying longer and longer, because the more he does that, the more Souji opens up and smiles,  _laughs_. They're both getting comfortable with it, even the sudden physicality–Souji pressed right up against Kanji's side as they watch TV on the couch, their arms brushing when they do the dishes together after dinner, fingertips touching to pass a plate or silverware, a hug when Kanji leaves. He kind of wonders if this is what it's like to be Souji's best friend, if he and Yosuke act like this, and he finds himself really hoping that they don't.

With how late he's staying, it's not really surprising that he just passes out on Souji's couch one night, head falling against his shoulder as they watch some scary movie. He wakes up with a crick in his neck, his and Souji's limbs tangled together so badly that he falls off the couch, bangs his head against the coffee table, and manages to pull Souji down on top of him.

"Huh... what... Kanji?" Souji's eyes flicker open right in front of Kanji's, soft gray and framed with smudges of purple underneath.

"Uh–sorry, senpai! I fell asleep!"

Souji sits up slowly, his weight resting fully on Kanji's lap, and...  _Fuck_.  _Damn it_.  _Fucking hormones_. He can only hope that Souji doesn't notice, but because luck is apparently not on his side today, he does. His eyes are a little wider, and he... He doesn't move.

"Kanji..."

Kanji holds his breath, eyes squinted shut as if not seeing Souji will somehow make it that he's not in his lap, that he doesn't have a hard-on, that none of this had even  _happened_.

It doesn't.

"... Yeah, senpai?"

Souji inhales softly, shifting– _rubbing his ass down on Kanji's dick, and oh my GOD._

"Kanji, do you like me?"

"Uh... I... what?"

"You've been flirting with me, right?"

 _Flirting_? He hasn't been doing anything like flirting! He's just been spending time with Souji, showing intense investment in his emotional state, eating dinner with him every night, watching TV with him, talking to him and doing his best to make him smile and laugh, hugging him, falling asleep against him, wishing he could spend even more time with him...

He's been flirting with him. He hadn't even realized it, but he  _had_.

"Uh–senpai..."

"You can kiss me."

Kanji swallows hard. He's nervous, doesn't know how this will end, doesn't even know if it's a good idea because Souji  _is_ his best friend, there's nobody else that even compares to him; if Kanji lost him, it'd be harder than before. He could push people away then, because there was no one worth having close. But to have Souji, who  _is_ worth it, and then see him leave–the thought terrifies him.

"Don't overthink it," Souji murmurs. Kanji's eyes are still squinted shut and he's a little sweaty, fingers curled up tight at his sides. "Do you want to kiss me?"

"I... uh."

"Yes or no?"

"Can we try?" Kanji blurts out. Like he's on autopilot.

Souji leans down slowly, his hand touching the floor beside Kanji's head, and he presses their lips together. His are warm and so soft, and Kanji gasps against them, but Souji keeps it chaste. Kanji just wishes he wasn't so  _hard_ already, his hips straining up against Souji's ass as he keeps pecking lightly at his mouth.

It doesn't feel like long enough, but Souji pulls back and Kanji's eyes open wide, stunned as he looks up at him.

"Was that okay?" Souji asks.

"Yeah... Of course, senpai."

Souji smiles, leans down again and this time Kanji opens up for him, lets him push his tongue into his mouth as one of his hands comes to rest nervously at Souji's hip. He's still grinding down, getting more intense as their kisses become frantic, tongues rubbing together, awkward but good. Soon he's got a rhythm, and Kanji's moaning because it feels incredible, but he needs him to stop.

He pulls back, panting, and Souji looks at him expectantly.

"Gotta slow down," Kanji gasps. "Or else I'll..."

"It's okay." Souji's flushed, hints of red going from his cheeks all the way down the front of his shirt. He's really...  _cute_. Damn it. Kanji rears up, accidentally bangs their heads together, but he just wants to keep kissing him, and Souji obliges gladly.

When he gets that much, he decides he wants to touch more, too. His hand sneaks from its hold on Souji's hip to press against the front of his lounge pants, and it actually shocks him a little to find him hard underneath, but Souji moans against his mouth, and it's difficult to think about much but getting him to keep doing that.

"You can do more... if you want," Souji whispers against his mouth. He doesn't know how he's supposed to  _deal_ with Souji being this cute–all he can do is squirm and try to get his hand into Souji's underwear, wrap his hand around his cock and jerk him off.

He keens above him, pushing down against Kanji's lap.  _Damn it, damn it, damn it_. Kanji feels like he's dying from just how much he wants Souji right now.

"Kanji–" Souji gasps, his fingers squeezing tight around his arm. " _Can_  we do more?"

"M-more?"

"I want to ride you." He says it so plainly, like it's not embarrassing or anything, and Kanji stutters in his haste to say  _yes, please, anything_.

Souji's quick to lean over after that, rummaging through a drawer and coming up with a little bottle of lube. It's blowing Kanji's mind–he'd never even  _thought_ Souji got up to these kinds of things before today, but now he's hovering over his lap, two fingers pushed inside of himself and all Kanji can do is watch with a bewildered but completely focused gaze.

He looks really good like this, with his bottom lip bitten between his teeth and his eyes fluttering shut, shifting back against his hand and moaning. Souji has a nice moan, too; it's not obnoxious like in porn, it's just really...  _nice_. Kanji wants to make him do it more.

That doesn't stop him from feeling a little bit overwhelmed when Souji's hand wraps around his cock, coated in lube and holding him steady as he starts to sink down–and already it feels so good, makes him moan embarrassingly loud as he strains upward.

"It's okay, Kanji," Souji murmurs. He guides Kanji's hands to his hips to hold onto him, but Kanji doesn't exert any pressure. He's too stunned by the tightness of Souji's body and the way he keeps pushing down in his lap, inching more and more of Kanji's cock inside of himself.

By the time Souji sits fully in his lap, Kanji's breathing harder than him, his head thrown back. Souji laughs softly, resting his hands on Kanji's chest.

"Wh-what?"

"Nothing... you just look like it feels really good."

"It  _does_." Kanji's trembling, waiting for Souji to start moving with baited breath, and when he does, it takes all his effort not to just come right then and there. He's rolling his hips down slowly, rocking in his lap hesitantly, and his body is so  _hot_.

"Senpai," he begs. He can't take more than this; he doesn't even know what's managing to hold him back right now.

"What is it, Kanji?" Souji's face is right above him as he starts pushing down more quickly–he's watching Kanji so closely each time he sinks down on his cock, his body gradually opening up to him so that those thrusts are easier.

"I... I can't hold back that long." Even to his own ears, Kanji sounds pitiful, but  _really_. His hands are clenching against the corner of Souji's futon and the muscles in his stomach are straining. What are people supposed to do in times like this? Count to 100? Think about something gross? Pray to a higher power to suddenly be blessed with better restraint?

"It feels really good... don't let go just yet."

That's easy for Souji to say. He's starting to bounce in Kanji's lap, huffing out those soft moans as he grinds down like he can't get enough, so loathe to stop that even Kanji's incessant squirming doesn't seem to break him out of it.

He tries to push his hips up, maybe unsettle Souji a little, but his eyes just narrow in on him and he shakes his head.

"No... I w-want to make you feel good, Kanji." At least he's starting to lose his breath too, eyes fluttering, and Kanji pushes up again–except that just makes Souji come to a complete halt.

"You have to let me do it," Souji pants, lifting his own hands from Kanji's chest to take his and pull them back, persuading them to settle on his ass. "Let me return the favor..."

Kanji swallows and nods helplessly, just because Souji seems so sincere. He starts moving again, blessedly, and Kanji can't stop watching the shift of his hips. They flick up to see the parting of his lips on a moan, then back down to the clench of his hands on Kanji's chest.

He says that he's returning the favor, but Kanji feels like he's being  _used_. Souji's fucking himself on his cock and he's not even upset about it, because he looks and sounds so good. He looks  _alive_. It's not like these past few weeks where he's smiled but seemed to be hiding something–and maybe that's odd that Kanji's looking for it even now, or that he's pleased over Souji looking a particular way when he's having sex, but... he  _is_ glad. If Souji wants to use him for that, he doesn't mind it.

Especially not when it feels so good, and he's only clinging on for the ride. His fingertips press into the soft flesh of Souji's ass but he's not helping him to move at all. It's Souji that's doing all the work, bouncing in his lap and squeezing so tight around Kanji, his hand wrapping around his cock to finally jerk himself off.

"Kanji," he moans, and that's it for Kanji–his hips shove up into Souji suddenly and his muscles tense up and he comes, filling him with it. He's never felt like this before, not when jerking off, not  _ever_. He's clinging to Souji like he can't let go, feels like the breath has been punched out of him, and there's a creeping feeling of discomfort because Souji's apparently going to keep riding him until he can't anymore.

"S-senpai..." He reaches to help jerk Souji off but Souji bats his hand away, eyes shut in concentration as he rocks back more slowly, and  _damn it_. Kanji desperately wishes he could get hard again and  _really_ make him feel good this time, but then Souji suddenly tenses up too and gasps and spills over Kanji's stomach.

When he comes, he doesn't make a silly face. He looks so...  _cute_  with his mouth dropped open and his head falling back against his shoulder. Kanji doesn't even mind anymore that he's sweaty and covered in come–he has to wrap his arms around his shoulders and pull him down into a hug.

It's hard to think of something to say in the aftermath, but he  _does_ want to say something. Luckily, Souji beats him to the punch.

"That was really nice, Kanji. Thank you."

"Uh–I... thank  _you_ , senpai."

Souji laughs against his neck, warm breath and soft lips brushing Kanji's skin and making him shiver. "You can call me by my name, you know."

"I–... yeah, I know."

They're quiet for a couple minutes, both of them catching their breath and relaxing slowly. It's surprisingly nice to have Souji's weight pinning him down to the floor. With Kanji's arms around his shoulders, it feels like he's protecting him from the loneliness seeking to come in.

"So... what now?" Souji asks eventually.

"Huh?"

"Just. You know, you were flirting with me, so do you want to go out with me now?" Souji seems to be having trouble getting those words out, which is surprising. Kanji thought he was  _always_ composed. But then that's why this started, isn't it? Because Souji's human, because he  _does_ feel things, and because he thinks he can hide them, but he can't. Not from Kanji.

Still, that doesn't mean Kanji's any better at thinking before he speaks. "I didn't mean to flirt with you or anything, senpai."

Souji sits up suddenly. His face crumples just a little bit, and he glances to the side and down. "So you don't... like me?"

"N-no! I mean, yes! I mean... I  _do_ like you." He's  _Souji_ , after all. Who  _doesn't_ like Souji? Who doesn't fall a little bit in love with him just from being close?

"Then..."

"I just... I've never done this before?" It sounds like a question, and he's not sure why.

"That's okay. I haven't either, but I like you enough to try, Kanji."

Kanji feels like his breath is leaving again, just from those words. "I like you too, senpai."

"And I think... I think it'd be nice to be with you."

"I think that too!" He really can't do anything but restate everything Souji's said on each front, but it's like he's saying the things Kanji can't gather himself enough to force out.

"Can we try? Would that be okay?" Souji asks. He's vulnerable, unsure. This is a side of Souji that no one really gets to see, no one but  _Kanji_. And he thinks about how Souji's going to leave at the end of the school year, how he's going back to Tokyo. He thinks about how  _everyone_ clamors for Souji's attention, the myriad crushes people have formed on him. He thinks about how selfless Souji is, and knows he's going to get jealous at some point, one way or another.

Then he thinks about the unbearable weight on Souji's shoulders and he knows that he wants to. It's not just about helping him feel better anymore, it's about wanting to  _be there_ for him. It's about liking the time they spend together, and the warm feeling he would get when Souji hugged him goodnight or leaned against him in the middle of a scary movie. It's about the tiny lump in his heart each time he couldn't see Souji, and the happiness when he could. No matter how strange it had seemed at first, this is what he wants with Souji. Everything else, he can get through.

"Yeah... I wanna try it with you, senpai."

Souji smiles, and it's nothing like the small ones he'd been given, the ones that Kanji thought meant he was feeling better. This one is so wide and pleased, and his eyes squint shut and there's a tiny dimple on his right cheek, and  _damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it._ Kanji's already so far gone for him. He leans up and kisses Souji right on the mouth, and squeezes his arms around him until the pounding tightness in his chest loosens.

"I'm glad. I'm really glad," Souji says softly, leaning his forehead against Kanji's. He thinks he's going to die from how good he feels right now.

"Yeah... me too."

Souji kisses him one last time before his head turns to the side, and his eyes widen.

"W-what is it, senpai?" He's only just gotten this, please don't let it be something that's going to ruin them–

"We're late for school."

"What?! My mom's going to kill me!" Kanji leaps up and knocks Souji out of his lap with a thump, and he's apologizing at the same time as he's trying to find something to wipe himself off with.

Then Souji's hand touches his and he feels calmer, because Souji's looking up at him and smiling, and he always knows how to sort things out, doesn't he?

"Don't worry. It'll be fine."

In the end, he supposes it will be. Souji will get up and they'll take a quick, awkward shower together, and they'll get dressed (Kanji in yesterday's clothes, but he doesn't care–wouldn't change what just happened so that he could have slept at home and gone to school today in something clean). They'll go downstairs and Souji will get the bento he'd packed out of the fridge, and they'll walk to school together, and Kanji will spend the entire day with a flutter in his chest and a lightness in his step, because he's got something good now. He's going to do his best to give Souji something good, too.

It'll be fine.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr!](http://bunansa.tumblr.com)


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